I think I got too relaxed! I’m having trouble getting back into regular life after the holiday weekend. Work yesterday was less than invigorating. The day dragged on and on, and while I got done all that I needed to, I didn’t really do very much. I slouched home around 4:30. I took the long way and drove past a few favorite lake viewing spots, cuz it was really windy and the waves were powerful and gorgeous, and that helped a little. Mom wasn’t feeling well when I got home, so it was a quiet evening, and I was relieved the day was over when I climbed into bed.
So now…Tuesday. It’s. Only. Tuesday. I didn’t sleep very well; I had a bunch of weird dreams and woke up jangling with anxiety. So yesterday’s mild inertia has become today’s yawning paralysis.
Good times. 👍
A couple of things have happened in the last couple of days that have caused me to worry about the future. Change is hard. Loss is hard. I don’t have so much in my life that I can afford to lose some of it – any of it. Everything is in short supply – time, friends, money, ease. My life is simple these days, by necessity, but it’s not easy. I don’t necessarily need it to be – I’m doing fine with facing and doing what needs to be done mostly – but I’m not thrilled by the idea of it getting harder.
So I have to remind myself over and over that I’m not in control, and that I know how to keep myself sane and on-task. All the clichés are on auto-repeat in my head: This too shall pass, Nothing lasts forever, Change is inevitable and not necessarily bad, etc.
Sometimes I wish life happened in slow-motion and that you could press a cosmic Ctrl-Z to do over the things that don’t happen the way you want them to. Wouldn’t that be great? Too bad it doesn’t work that way. (Certainly if Microsoft could manage it the Creator of the Universe could have. Just sayin’.) An occasional window into the future seems like it would be a good thing, too, but maybe not. I would only want to see the good things ahead; the bad things would be too discouraging, I’m afraid, and we know there is no good without the bad, don’t we?
Don’t we? Honestly, though, I’d like to try it out.
Sooooo…here I am, at my desk, trying to keep the anxiety at bay in between giant gaping yawns. No worries. It’s gonna be a GREAT day. 🙂
The Electric Idealist 
Drive? Have you considered bike commuting? Best part of my workday.
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Yes, I used to commute. It was a lovely way to start and end the day, for sure! It’s only realistic here for 6 months out of the year, though. Ice and snow make the roads too dangerous the rest of the year and we don’t have bike lanes. (Temps below 0 are unpleasant, too.) I gave it up completely a couple of summers ago, however, because drivers were too aggressive and I didn’t feel safe on the streets in town.
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That’s such a shame. 28 winters in upstate NY and New England was all I could take. Bike commuting kept me sane. And it’s also where I came up with so many creative ideas for my work.
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Clearly you’re made of stronger stuff than me! (I already knew that – I only rode 1000 miles this year.) My bottom line temp for cycling is 50 degrees, and I don’t like snow and/or ice for walking, let alone riding. It’s the gym for me this winter. I usually ride the trainer in the off-season, but I just can’t face it this year. Soooo boring! 🙂
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When I lived up north I could bank on one nasty fall on the ice and snow per year. Even walking was treacherous. As for trainers, I use one for the nasty days here in DC. If you use it all winter, your first spring ride is crazy; I forget about balancing and steering. WHOA!!!
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LOL! Yep. The gym is safer all the way around. 🙂
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