I didn’t post last week. There are no rules to this blogging thing, really, but I do try to post regularly, for my own sense of continuity and responsibility, as well as furthering the hope of having regular readers. Last week, though, was really difficult and I didn’t have the energy or words to write a post.
Clare died at 5:04 on Thursday, September 3rd. She had taken a sudden and dramatic turn for the worse at the beginning of the week, and by Wednesday night, it became really obvious that she was in pain. She wandered the house crying all night. None of us got any sleep. I called first thing Thursday morning and the vet ended her life at the end of the day.
So now it’s just mom, me, and Grace. Mom and I are missing Clare terribly, but Grace, though a little confused, is relieved, I think. Clare was very territorial about mom and the whole downstairs, and she was confrontational with Grace whenever she entered “her” realm. So, for the better part of the last 13 years or so, Grace came down only occasionally to eat, and usually at night. She spent most of her time upstairs alone in my room.
So now she’s spending time downstairs with mom and me, and that makes me happy. I’m also relieved to know that there was nothing more I could do to help Clare, and that she hadn’t suffered long. The vet said she had lymphoma, but it had probably not been around long, and he said she probably had not suffered much discomfort until she made it obvious to us Wednesday night. She had the best summer of her life, eating all the canned food (fish!) and having all the treats she wanted.
My sweet, snuggly little girl. I miss her awful. Rest well, my sweet. ❤️
I recently became aware of an emotional regulation exercise that I’ve been using lately to help keep me focused on the good, and to avoid wallowing in the depths, as I’m inclined to do, especially after a loss. I read about it in a book by Jenny Lawson, but it originated with Neil Pasricha. It’s called Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud, and it’s works exactly as you might imagine from the name. Anytime, but especially when things are tough, he suggests naming two good things that have come into your awareness, one challenge you’re facing, and something on the horizon that you can look forward to.
So…
Rose: Grace is healthy, and much happier, plus mom and I get to spend more time with her.
Rose: I was finally able yesterday to correct a problem with my computer that had rendered it a very expensive doorstop for the better part of a week.
Thorn: Clare is gone, and I miss her. but she’s no longer in pain and she had a good, long life.
Bud: Autumn bike rides!
Not every thorn can be turned into a rose – I get that, and some take longer to get past than others, for sure. When I look for the good, though, I find it, and that helps dull the sting a bit. Changing grief to gratitude is not easy and will take time, but I believe it’s worthy effort. Clare overcame a lot in her life, and she never gave up. She loved treats and feathered toys and her people without reservation, and I loved her.
Love is always a good thing, no matter what.
CLARE
June 2011 – September 2026. Rest in Peace, Angel Girl.